Can’t seem to get Pedophilia out of my head recently (not that I don’t know why)….. I had breakfast with some friends the other day, one of whom brought along her beautiful little girl. She is just a toddler so we still speak freely around her… as she doesn’t really understand or contribute to the conversation very much yet, besides saying, “Dog!!!” every now and then. Just so you don’t think we were being horrible by talk about phone sex with her daughter there. But yes, so to get to the point, my friends know that I have been doing phone sex. Unless I am close with someone I don’t volunteer the information, but if someone asks I don’t lie.

So, we were chatting about it, and I certainly omitted some details when they were asking questions. I felt horrible thinking about what some men want to to talk about while I was sitting with this amazing mother and her child.

Later we were talking about daycare and the concerns there. One local day care that had a employee charged of pedophillia etc.

I was chatting with another friend earlier that week who knows someone in a theatre company that she works with who was just charged with possession of child porn and the conflict that she has about this. This person is someone she has known and trusted for over 10 years and to find this out about him has been shocking and confusing. He has never (to anyone’s knowledge and had never been accused of) actually touching a child or harming a child in anyway. But some would argue even just the possession of child porn is harming a child. By having it you are supporting that industry (if no one looked at it no one would make it) and somewhere down the line there had to be a child involved to make that porn (photos, video or whatever).

All of these thoughts have made me more conflicted about this job. I haven’t had a call like that in a while, but I never know until I start the conversation what someone is going to want to talk about. And I don’t think someone can control what kinks or fetishes they have, they can only control their actions. I feel bad for anyone that has these urges. It’s not their fault that they have them, that doesn’t make them right or excusable but it seems like a horrible thing to have to deal with. Getting them out over the phone with another adult seems like the best way to express them, it never involves hurting a child (like say child porn does, even if you are not directly doing it).

I was looking online to try and see what support there might be for pedophiles, like if there are any kind of groups or therapy for people with this urge…. or attraction.

I thought this was an interesting post. He might not represent himself incredibly well with some of his choice of words… but it was certainly interesting:

“Are there pedophile support groups or counseling?
I’m a young pedophile (18) and while I haven’t slipped yet, I recognize the enormous potential, and I think it would be beneficial to be able to talk openly to some people who can understand my predicament and help me deal with it.

and no, I’m not looking for a group that will tell each other that our urges are justified and helps to plot molestations. I’m not evil, you know. I have a genetic defect. I obviously know right from wrong, even if my libido disagrees with it.

and to anyone who wishes to call me disgusting, evil, ignorant, or what have you:

Look, it’s not my ******* choice, alright. It’s my orientation. I don’t like them for some power trip or any sick **** like that. It is literally the same thing chemically as when you look at adults. The reason I’m asking about it is because I would LIKE to deal with it and NOT hurt anyone.

I’m being serious. Why won’t anyone understand what it’s like to grow up like this? I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve never harmed anyone. What I am concerned with is that I may become a danger some time in the future, which is why I’m looking for a SUPPORT group.

I hate to break it to you, but not all pedophiles think molesting kids is an okay thing to do. The whole point is that I am LOOKING for help (not drugs) to DEAL with it.”

People didn’t have much to offer him: go to church, find god, get hospitalized, castrated, get yourself incarcerated in prison until you die, etc.

I don’t know, if I was him I don’t think any of those would seem like options to me either.

So what do you do?

I also found this website that speaks about the PLA (Pedophile Liberation Army):

http://lege.cz/archiv/pedo1.htm

I couldn’t read all of it and then just started skimming… this didn’t help me. It is very pro pedo and redefines the term. Because in their eyes pedophiles do not hurt children. Those would be molesters. Pedophiles don’t do anything with children that the children don’t ‘want’ to be doing. It speaks of famous artists and philosophers in history who are thought to be pedophiles, and talks about pedophile rights etc.