Well, maybe it is for the best. I had a call earlier today, that I wrote a little note afterwords cause I wanted to write a post about it but I didn’t have it in me to write it right at that moment. I just looked at the scribbles, “pedo… parking lot.”

I can’t remember that call for the life of me. ….honestly, I’m not trying too hard to dig around in my brain. But, I have no recollection of it. It was about 5 hours ago now. Nothing. No details. I know it was a pedo call. I remember that much, and that was the words I used to remind me to write about it. And also that we were in a parking lot. But what happened during the call, the specifics, what the mans voice sounded like, nothing. I can’t remember a bit of it.

That is probably for the best. I don’t know why I am still doing this. I could do it no problem (or not many deep ones) if this subject matter never came up. It was gone for a while but seemed to have surface again. It’s not worth the money. It could be if I was really dedicating myself to it or if these kinds of calls never came up. But these calls are not worth the money.

I mean during a 30 min call say I make about $22.50, well that is pretty good for 30 minutes of work. But honestly, if a guys came up to me on the street handles me a list of sentences and said, “I’ll give you $50 bucks if you say these things to me.” I would say no. Maybe I’m only doing it cause there is just as much anonymity for me as there is for the guys, even more so. It’s not worth the money, but it is money. Is it worth the thoughts. Well. Maybe. The thoughts are horrible, the questions are horrible, but all of them fascinating and questions that should be questioned and discussed. I’ve been watching random TV on the internet and some brunt DVDs of shows that a friend gave me. Randomly putting on episodes I watched three shows that talked about pedophiles.

The overwhelming consensus is, horrible scum of the earth, worse than the devil, no solution, put them in jail forever. No talk of where does this come from. At one point these horrible scums of the earth, worse than the devil pedophiles where children themselves. They were someone’s child. They are humans. Is there a way to stop this in someone before it happens? Are people born this way or made this way? Why are some people pedophiles? Is there any way to make those feelings go away or never start? I don’t ever hear about people looking at these questions. Just saying horrible horrible scum and evil subhuman people should go to jail, have their dicks cut off, etc. I don’t think there is anyone who really wants to be a pedophile or tries to become a pedophile. There seem to be some pedophiles out there who do think it is totally okay.

There is something to be said for hearing someone’s voice as they climax. I don’t know these people at all, at all. But I hear them cum. That is intimate. That burns into your brain. The money is not worth it, but that might be. The feelings and thoughts that I’m having because of it might be. I just don’t know what to do with them.